Saturday, November 28, 2009

Recycled Lies

Ever sat quietly listening to your teenager as they lie to you? Not only are you aware that they are lying...but somehow the lie sounds amazingly familiar? Suddenly you realize why it sounds is the same lie you told your own parents when you were their age. It just happened our home recently and I found myself quite torn as to handle the situation. To be perfectly honest... there have been quite a few of those deja vu moments between children and myself.

I know why he lied to me...the same reason I lied to my mother. He knew I would not approve....and he was right. Here was my chance to handle it better than my mother right? Wrong! I tried so hard to be diplomatic and explain to him why I could not approve. However, in some crazy twist of developmental fate, my teen actually believes that there is no way his mother can possibly understand or recall what it is like to be young. He really does see me as the out-of-touch, square dufus’ I saw in my own parents.

I know that it is not always easy to be a teenager and that "this too shall pass". More than likely...he will hear those recycled lies from his own children. But it sure hurts when your child is mad at you...and someday he will realize that it is not always easy to be a parent.


  1. Coming from a teenager (well, I won't be a teenager anymore in seven months, but while I am), I know what it's like to lie to a parent that doesn't approve. Any teenager does. The biggest mistake my parents ever made was refusing to listen to me. It may not necessarily mean we've done something that is morally wrong, just something we know our parents disapprove of. I have a friend that I care for dearly that my parents cannot stand, yet they never gave her the chance to show them how wonderful a person she is. If this advice applies to your situation: don't make your teen feel like they're automatically going to get in trouble. Allow them the chance to explain. If it's a friend you don't like, invite the friend over for a family dinner. (And please know I am not trying to tell you how to parent your child because I'm only 19 and I've never had to be a parent, I'm just telling you what I wish my parents would've done.) I hope you understand. :-/

  2. Oh, and I meant to say:

    Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest! Haha. Hope you've had a good weekend. :)

  3. Hi Lauren,

    I'm so glad you stopped by :) I am going to have to make sure I get to SITS everyday...I'm not sure what sharefest is yet but I eager to learn. It seems like fun over there.

    You know may be young but you are very wise. In fact I myself can relate to your feelings. I never felt like my parents listened to me either. They never allowed me to spend the night over at a friend's house, go places with friends and their families etc. They also never allowed my friends to our home.I always felt like they didn't trust me...and I was never given a to prove to them that I could be trusted.

    My husband and I have tried to be different with our children. Their friends are welcome and as long as they follow the rules. We do allow them to spend time at their friends homes. No smoking, drinking, no drugs, no sex, and under 18...there must be an adult home. We really have not had much trouble from the kids or from their friends. I am thrilled that my kids and their friends actually choose to spend quite a bit of time here at our home.

    The main thing we ask of them is that they are honest with us. If we allow them to go somewhere...we expect that they be there...if plans change we expect a phone call. If they or their friends lie to us... then the trust is broken and they must earn it back.

    Lauren...I totally agree with you...If a parent will not listen to what their child has to say...then it is not likely that the child will listen to the parent. If you feel like you are going to be in trouble for telling the truth...then lying would most likely feel like the only option.

    I hope you will hang around. I feel your point of view will be very valuable. :)

  4. Monica, I've been in this very situation so many times it's not even funny. Yes, this too shall pass. And Parental Karma DOES work, you know - he most definitely will hear the same things from his kids. And there will be that moment when he realizes, "Oh, good heavens - I sound just like my mother!"

  5. Oh can I relate to this! I am sure in many years they will experience the very same thing.

    Stopping by to welcome you to SITS! It's great to have you in the SITStahood!

  6. So relating to this post with three teenagers myself.

    Welcome to the SITS community!

  7. I don't have any teenage kids, but I'm already learning early from my 3-year-old!

    I came by to welcome you to SITS. We're happy to have you with us!