Menopause, What Have You Done To Me?

I have not slept through the night since I had my hysterectomy back in October of 2007! My ovaries had to be removed, which hurled me violently into menopause at the MUCH TOO YOUNG FOR THIS CRAP age of 41. Some nights, I sleep better than others, but a good night for me is generally waking up only twice, and falling back to sleep in under an hour. I never wake up in the morning feeling completely rested anymore. I don't even remember what "rested" feels like! Sleeping pills are not the answer for me. I have tried them, and while initially they do make me fall asleep quickly...I still wake up several times during the night, feeling extremely drowsy, and frustrated because I cannot get back to sleep.

Hormone replacement therapy has helped with some of the other symptoms. But, Hormone Replacement Therapy comes with it's own risks...some of which can be very serious and occasionally even life threatening. HRT is not for everyone, but I have opted to take them. For me, the benefits outweigh the risks. I take an Estrogen/Testosterone combination. Yes, I mean the male hormone, and no... I will not start to resemble the male gender. It's just a low dose. Woman normally have a low level of Testosterone, it is produced by the ovaries. Just as men normally have a low level of estrogen. When the ovaries cease to function or are removed, the Testosterone is gone, and for many women, so is their libido. In addition, loss of testosterone in women can contribute to fatigue, muscle and bone loss, and depression. Loss of Estrogen increases a woman's risk for heart disease, stroke, osteoporosis and fractures.

One year before the hysterectomy, for my 40th birthday, I quit smoking. Although, I know that it is the best gift I have ever given to myself, sometimes I think that many things were so much easier when I smoked. Weight loss for one thing! Of course, going back to that nasty habit is not even an option. Like many others who have quit before me...I merely replaced my smoking habit with something else. In my case, that replacement has been FOOD! As pride crushing and embarrassing as it is to admit...the result has been a weight gain that is inching closer and closer to the 100lb mark. Of course I have been trying to lose it...but so far my efforts have not been very successful. When I start a diet...I am always raring to go! I'll lose a few pounds, VERY Slowly, and then lose the willpower to continue. Menopause slows the metabolism, but I am fairly sure that my metabolism has died or at the very least, lapsed into a coma.

Fatty, Fatty, Fat Fat...Fat Fat

Fat woman down on the fountain isle...repeat, fat woman down on the fountain isle! That's right...I fell down at a local garden nursery yesterday. They didn't really say that of course...but that is exactly what I was thinking at the time and I wouldn't doubt it if they were thinking it too. There was water on the sidewalk from the fountains...and a little algae had built up...perfect recipe for a fall. The garden owner and one of his employee's were nearby and rushed over...I immediately said "I'm OK, I'm OK!" The last thing I wanted to do was draw even more attention or God forbid...a crowd!

I busted a blood vessel in my wrist...and my arm and shoulder are really sore today...I guess from trying to catch myself or trying to push myself up quickly. Nothing major physically...but my pride was seriously injured. I know for a fact that a few years ago I would have been able to either catch myself before going to the ground...or at the very least...get back on my feet quickly. But instead...I felt like a beached whale. My daughter was a few steps ahead and didn't noticed that I had fallen until the two men ran over. She said "gosh mom it's a good thing those men saw you fall"...and I said "why? they didn't help me up"... through her obnoxious laughter she replied ..."Yeah but if they hadn't ran over there...I might have tripped right over you and hurt myself!"...Have I ever mentioned that she is a smartaaa...UH...never mind!

The time has come for me to stop talking about it...and do something about this abundance of weight I have gained. I gave up a 25 year smoking habit on November 8th, 2006...just 6 days shy of my 40th birthday. I have to say....it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. While I hated smelling like a stale ashtray, the crazy high prices, and the fear of dying a slow, painful death...I loved smoking. I know this will sound odd...especially to those who have never smoked...but when I gave them up...I felt like I had lost a best friend. My cigarettes had been with me through everything. The good times, bad times, after a good meal, with coffee, while on the phone, etc. etc. Of course I gave them up while pregnant and nursing my children...but I knew they would be right there waiting for me.

In October of 2007 I had a total hysterectomy. After 6 months of constant bleeding and being confined to the house...which was terribly depressing...it was time. My ovaries were covered with cysts inside and out...so there was really no other choice but to remove them. What that meant for me was... at age 41... I was violently shoved into menopause. I was a little chubby when I quit smoking...I was chubbier when I had the hysterectomy....and today...I am at an all time chub! I can't stand it...my feet hurt, my back hurts, and I have known for quite some time now that I need to do something about it. For a couple of months last winter I took diet pills and the B Complex shots....and my weight did not budge. But then again...I guess I could have tried a little harder. I ate less...but I didn't really change what I ate how I ate it or when.

Last week I ordered a Juicer. The Jack Llanne Power Juicer Deluxe and it is due to arrive sometime tomorrow. My brother has one and really loves it. I was a little worried when I bought it. I worried that I spent money on something I wouldn't use. But after that fall yesterday...I realized that I must do something to improve my own health. Benefits Of Juicing. About Jack Llanne My family has agreed to join me in the quest for health. I am overweight...and no one can change that but me...and I am ready to do it for good.