Congratulations

To my baby boy! Where in the world has the time gone? When you were a baby...everyone told us: "You better enjoy him, it goes by really fast." We sure didn't realize just how fast until we watched you receive your diploma on Saturday. When you looked over at me...I could see your precious baby face (and of something blue) as clear as a bell. You have been an absolute joy Caleb. Your dad and I could not be more proud of you. We look forward to watching you continue to grow and spread your wings.

All our love...ALWAYS,

Dad and Mom

Recycled Lies

Ever sat quietly listening to your teenager as they lie to you? Not only are you aware that they are lying...but somehow the lie sounds amazingly familiar? Suddenly you realize why it sounds familiar...it is the same lie you told your own parents when you were their age. It just happened our home recently and I found myself quite torn as to handle the situation. To be perfectly honest... there have been quite a few of those deja vu moments between children and myself.

I know why he lied to me...the same reason I lied to my mother. He knew I would not approve....and he was right. Here was my chance to handle it better than my mother right? Wrong! I tried so hard to be diplomatic and explain to him why I could not approve. However, in some crazy twist of developmental fate, my teen actually believes that there is no way his mother can possibly understand or recall what it is like to be young. He really does see me as the out-of-touch, square dufus’ I saw in my own parents.

I know that it is not always easy to be a teenager and that "this too shall pass". More than likely...he will hear those recycled lies from his own children. But it sure hurts when your child is mad at you...and someday he will realize that it is not always easy to be a parent.

Where Are The Parents?

Several years ago, I belonged to a forum for parents of children with special needs. Sue Stuyvesant, also a member, shared this letter with us. Though I have never forgotten her words...I lost and never thought I would ever see this letter again. I think about Sue often...especially when I attend an ARD meeting for my son. I found it today and would like to share it with you.

Beautifully Written By Sue Stuyvesant, Parent

"Hey everyone. For those of you who don't know me (I'm only an occasional poster) I am mom to Michelle, 9 years old, micro cephalic, athetoid/spastic CP, cortical visual impairment, seizure disorder -- and CUTE! OK, now for the reason I'm posting.

To make a long story short, earlier this week a question was asked by some nitwit official as to why there weren't more parents (of special needs kids) involved in the local PTA and other issues that have come up that directly involve our kids. His question, which was passed on to me was, "Where are the parents?" I went home that night, started thinking - and boy was I pi**ed - and banged this "little" essay out the next day on my lunch break. By the way, I took copies of this to the school board meeting that night, gave it to a couple of influential people and it WILL get around.............

Where are the parents?

They are on the phone to doctors and hospitals and fighting with insurance companies, wading through the red tape in order that their child's medical needs can be properly addressed. They are buried under a mountain of paperwork and medical bills, trying to make sense of a system that seems designed to confuse and intimidate all but the very savvy.

Where are the parents?

They are at home, diapering their 15 year old son, or trying to lift their 100 lb. daughter onto the toilet. They are spending an hour at each meal to feed a child who cannot chew, or laboriously and carefully feeding their child through a g-tube. They are administering medications, changing catheters and switching oxygen tanks.

Where are the parents?

They are sitting, bleary eyed and exhausted, in hospital emergency rooms, waiting for tests results to come back and wondering, "Is this the time when my child doesn't pull through?" They are sitting patiently in hospital rooms as their child recovers from yet another surgery to lengthen hamstrings or straighten backs or repair a faulty internal organ. They are waiting in long lines in county clinics because no insurance company will touch their child.

Where are the parents?

They are sleeping in shifts because their child won't sleep more than 2 or 3 hours a night, and must constantly be watched, lest he do himself, or another member of the family, harm. They are sitting at home with their child because family and friends are either too intimidated or too unwilling to help with child care and the state agencies that are designed to help are suffering cut backs of their own.

Where are the parents?

They are trying to spend time with their non-disabled children, as they try to make up for the extra time and effort that is critical to keeping their disabled child alive. They are struggling to keep a marriage together, because adversity does not always bring you closer. They are working 2 and sometime 3 jobs in order to keep up with the extra expenses. And sometimes they are a single parent struggling to do it all by themselves.

Where are the parents?

They are trying to survive in a society that pays lip service to helping those in need, as long as it doesn't cost them anything. They are trying to patch their broken dreams together so that they might have some sort of normal life for their children and their families.

They are busy, trying to survive."

Sue Stuyvesant 10/15/96: Permission to duplicate or distribute this document is granted with the provision that the document remains intact.

Sue passed away in October 2003. Michelle passed away in September of 2005 just one week before she was to turn 18.

Children Online

For those of you with children and/or grandchildren. This story was passed along to me a few years ago...Though I don't know if it is a true story...still I believe the message is valuable.

Shannon could hear the footsteps behind her as she walked toward home. The thought of being followed made her heart beat faster. "You're beingsilly, she told herself, "no one is following you." To be safe, she began to walk faster, but the footsteps kept up with her pace. She was afraid to look back and she was glad she was almost home.Shannon said a quick prayer, "God please get me home safe." She saw the porch light burning and she leaned against the door for a moment, relieved to be in the safety of her home. She glanced out the window to see if anyone was there. The sidewalk was empty.

After tossing her books on the sofa, she decided to grab a snack and get on-line . She logged on under her screen name ByAngel213. She checked her Buddy List and saw GoTo123 was on. She sent him an instant message:

ByAngel213:Hi. I'm glad you are on! I thought someone was following me home today. It was really weird!

GoTo123:LOL You watch too much TV. Why would someone be following you? Don't you live in a safe neighborhood?

ByAngel213:Of course I do. LOL I guess it was my imagination cuz' I didn't seeAnybody when I looked out.

GoTo123:Unless you gave your name out on-line. You haven't done that have you?

ByAngel213:Of course not. I'm not stupid you know.

GoTo123:Did you have a softball game after school today?

ByAngel213:Yes and we won!!

GoTo123:That's great! Who did you play?

ByAngel213:We played the Hornets. LOL. Their uniforms are so gross! They look like bees. LOL
GoTo123:What is your team called?

ByAngel213:We are the Canton Cats. We have tiger paws on our uniforms. They are really cool.

GoTo123:Did you pitch?

ByAngel213:No I play second base. I got to go. My homework has to be done before my parents get home. I don't want them mad at me. Bye!

GoTo123:Catch you later. Bye

Meanwhile......GoTo123 went to the member menu and began to search for her profile. When it cam! e up, he highlighted it and printed it out. He took out a pen and began to write down what he knew about Angel so far.

Her name: ShannonBirthday: Jan. 3, 1985Age: 13State where she lived: North Carolina
Hobbies: softball, chorus, skating and going to the mall.Besides this information, he knew she lived in Canton because she had just told him. He knew she stayed by herself until 6:30 p.m. every afternoon until her parents came home from work. He knew she played softball on Thursday afternoons on the school team, and the team was named the Canton Cats. Her favorite number 7 was printed on her jersey.He knew she was in the eighth grade at the Canton Junior High School.She had told him all this in the conversations they had on- line. He had enough information to find her now.

Shannon didn't tell her parents about the incident on the way home from the ballpark that day. She didn't want them to make a scene and stop her from walking home from the softball games. Parents were always overreacting and hers were the worst. It made her wish she was not an only child. Maybe if she had brothers and sisters, her parents wouldn't be so overprotective.
By Thursday, Shannon had forgotten about the footsteps following her.

Her game was in full swing when suddenly she felt someone staring at her. It was then that the memory came back. She glanced up from her second base position to see a man watching her closely.

He was leaning against the fence behind first base and he smiled when she looked at him. He didn't look scary and she quickly dismissed the sudden fear she had felt.

After the game, he sat on a bleacher while she talked to the coach. She noticed his smile once again as she! walked past him. He nodded and she smiled back. He noticed her name on the back of her shirt. He knew he had found her.

Quietly, he walked a safe distance behind her. It was only a few blocks to Shannon's home, and once he saw where she lived he quickly returned to the park to get his car.

Now he had to wait. He decided to get a bite to eat until the time came to go to Shannon's house. He drove to a fast food restaurant and sat there until time to make his move.

Shannon was in her room later that evening when she heard voices in the living room.
"Shannon, come here," her father called. He sounded upset and shecouldn't imagine why. She went into the room to see the man from the ballpark sitting on the sofa.

"Sit down," her father began, "this man has just told us a mostinteresting story about you."
Shannon sat back. How could he tell her parents anything? She hadnever seen him before today!
"Do you know who I am, Shannon?" the man asked.

"No," Shannon answered.

"I am a police officer and your online friend, GoTo123."

Shannon was stunned. "That's impossible! GoTo is a kid my age! He's 14. And he lives in Michigan!"

The man smiled. "I know I told you all that, but it wasn't true. Yousee, Shannon, there are people on-line who pretend to be kids; I was one of them. But while others do it to injure kids and hurt them, I belong to a group of parents who do it to protect kids from predators. I came here to find you to teach you how dangerous it is to talk to people on-line. You told me enough about yourself to make it easy for me to find you. You name the school you went to, the name of your ball team and the position you played. The number and name on your jersey just made finding you a breeze."

Shannon was stunned. "You mean you don't live in Michigan?"

He laughed. "No, I live in Raleigh. It made you feel safe to think Iwas so far away, didn't it?"
She nodded.

"I had a friend whose daughter was like you. Only she wasn't as lucky. The guy found her and murdered her while she was home alone. Kids are taught not to tell anyone when they are alone, yet they do it all the time on-line. The wrong people trick you into giving out information a little here and there on-line. Before you know it, you have told them enough for them to find you without even realizing you have done it. I hope you've learned a lesson from this and won't do it again. Tell others about this so they will be safe too?"

"It's a promise!"

This world we live in today is too dangerous to even give out your age, let alone anything else.

Get Involved

It's probably no secret that children who have involved parents are more happy, healthy, and well-adjusted and excel at their educational and extracurricular pursuits. It can increase their cognitive development, keeps them motivated, strengthens the parent-child relationship, and has a direct positive influence on their overall academic achievement. In turn, it can also help parents achieve a positive outlook on their parenting, increase their own self confidence and self esteem, and will most likely feel more satisfied with their child's educational experience at school. But where do you get involved?

With today's busy schedules between home, work, and school, it may feel that the average family has very little quality time to offer. However, different options and levels of commitment are available to fit every parent's availability, and with some careful planning and dedication, you can make it a positive experience for both yourself and your child. First of all, discover what your child is most passionate about.

Maybe you've thought about volunteering for the school bake sale to raise money, but your child is actually more actively involved in her local Girl Scouts troop. If that's the case, then get together with the other Girl Scout parents and see what you can contribute to help the troop. Maybe you could organize a bake sale to benefit their next summer outing.

It's also important to consider what skills, talents and abilities you can bring to the table. Maybe your child's school is in desperate need of your help organizing a fundraiser, but your skills in sewing and designing might better serve the school if you were to help in making the costumes for the school play.

Remember, you want this to be a positive experience for both of you, and if your child senses that you're not happy with what you've chosen to become involved in, then they likely will not be happy as well. But the bottom line is get involved and stay involved. Children of involved parents are less likely to get into mischief, have emotional problems, or have problems in school. You benefit by connecting with and staying connected to your child. It's a win-win situation!

Home School-Getting Started

One of my nieces is considering home schooling her children.Not in the immediate future as they are only 3yrs and 7 months old…but she is interested and certainly now is a good time to gather as much information as possible. My own four children are high school and college age now but when they were beginning school…I considered home school. I decided it was probably for the best to send them to public school. I know that home schooling requires a great deal of dedication and commitment and to be honest… I didn’t trust myself to be consistent enough. I think my niece would be a wonderful teacher…she is very smart, college educated..and she has several friends with young children who are also interested in educating their children at home. So they would each take on a different subject. That way each mom would have a break, and be able to get errands and chores done. I would love to hear from parents who are or are planning to home-school. How has it worked out for you? What sort of problems have you faced? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.